Week 0:Tomorrow I go!

Tomorrow I go

Kidney stone removed, gear repacked, keys to apartment to be handed in to my landlord in the morning, tomorrow I go.

Couldn’t sleep yesterday, apprehension, doubts, firework of thoughts kicking off in my mind.

Had the last meal with my friends, the thumbs up from my therapist, I’m ready. Everytime I hug or spend time with loved ones I’m assaulted by doubts. I calm myself down and remember that they’ll be in my heart throughout this, this is not a goodbye, it’s a see you later on the road!

My girlfriend has been doing her best to manage my anxieties and fears. It’s hard to try and build something whilst leaving, falling for a Nomad is not always an easy choice…

So it’s goodbye Toulouse, hello world!

I’ll frantically pack and repack my gear today, I don’t really think I have the capacity to do much more.

I know my first two stops.

First to say good bye to my dad. It’s going to be tough, he struggles to remember who I am at the best of times. I feel guilt for leaving, but again I could be gone a day or a year he wouldn’t really know the difference, dementia has it’s perks…Sarcasm aside, he wrote me a poem in 2019 just before we noticed the insidious effects of his disease, this is how it goes:

My Son must leave this life,

 some day, long after me.

I cannot bear this thought

So bold, and true is he.

Oh let him live forever

Even if there is no  heaven

Let him live upon the earth

And ask everything of its beauty and

Utter mystery;

Let him forget me and be free

To find and cross continents and mountains,

And dance upon the rolling endless sea

Torrential Rain nor loneliness shall

Destroy his steps

Nor deserts stop his onward flow;

Let the world be his from death to Birth

Inextinguishable and free

Joseph Clark 2019

I must honour his poem, allow myself to be free, I keep his poem on me. I will miss him, I miss him, I’m grateful for his words I wish he could share this adventure with me. He’s safe and that’s all that matters, his mind might be gone but his spirit is alive.

Second stop will be to visit my mum’s grave, and say goodbye. We buried her ashes in my godparent’s peaceful and sun stroked garden, under the shade of a giant protective cedre tree and a sweet blooming lemon tree. She too was an adventurer . In her youth she had travelled alone to India and took a bus across Afghanistan. I know she would approve of my adventure , she was brave and fearless. I carry her with me everywhere I go.

After that it will be the open road, all farewells completed and time to let the past be.

So tomorrow I go, that’s all I know.